journal; entry 007 (A Kaz Brekker Story)

“Tell me a tale that can make me feel more than anger, and if you manage it, I may let you live”

Leigh Bardugo, The Severed Moon (A Year-Long Journal of Magic)

This is a story of a little boy, so naïve and innocent.

He saw the world through those big brown eyes with wonder and curiosity. The city smelled of smoke and salt as the breeze passed through his upraised small fingers which yet unknown to the brutal sky he’d been trying to reach.

While the other hand held tightly onto his brother. He was happy to see his brother beamed towards the change of their life. The sun bathed in all the people’s spirit, and he marveled how they were so alive. Its liveliness synced with Jordie’s smile too, he realized.

The little boy devoured every little detail he saw along the way. It fascinated him, to the very significance of the port’s business and the insignificance of the magician who played card trick by the alley.

The soul of him yearned to learn how the world worked, where it began and why it should end. The uncertainty frightened him, but he promised to hold on to the one thing every human did, named hope. So, he kept on holding Jordie’s hand. Because his brother was his only hope to survive this unfamiliar city, Ketterdam.

Starting that day, the little boy sat down in front of the magician. Those big brown eyes traced attentively to the movement of the slight hand. He remembered each phase and sequence till the card disappeared and reappeared again. While Jordie was away to run some errand, he would learn how to master the skill and the satisfaction he felt when he succeeded could never be replaced. The triumph to solve one of infinity questions the world asked him to answer. This was how the little boy’s world worked.

But, oh, how the world outside the boy’s mind was so unfair. Everything happened in a glimpse, like a fast forward video that the boy couldn’t find any pause button. The speed started as the sky roofed that promising city felt ever higher as he was drowning. And Jordie wasn’t able to smile anymore, as the hope was all lost and he was suffocating. If only he could trade his ability to do the card trick with Jordie’s smile, he would. But, oh, little boy, that wasn’t how the world worked.

This is a tale where you will not only be angry how the world savagely beaten up that little boy. But you will face the fact that this is how it is done. It is a melancholy tale.

This is a story how a little boy grown up becoming a broken man. This is a story how Kaz Rietveld turned into Kaz Brekker.